I am a heavy sleeper. On different occasions I have slept through loud noises, a pillow pummeling by a frustrated brother, falling from the top of a bunkbed, having my tent slide down a hill, and getting tongue from a woodland creature.
"What's your secret?" you ask.
My superior brain convinces my less-than-astute body that all of these sensations can readily be explained by some fantastic dream. This morning, however, my brain went too far!
Sometime this morning, Bladder reported to Brain that things were filling up fast around there and that we couldn't take on much more. Brain asserted his dominance over the body with a quick change of dream venue. Suddenly I was transported to an outdoor festival with quirky kiosks, brilliant gaudy crowds, and taste-rich vendors everywhere.
Bladder was used to having the ear of Brain. After all, when He made a suggestion it was for the general comfort of all. Brain was having none of it, "This dream will continue, WITHOUT interruption!"
Bladder increased pressure to an intolerable level. Brain countered by placing a row of outdoor port-a-johns in the festival complete with the never-moving line. I was uncomfortable, but the solution was in front of me. All I had to do was wait. I waited. And waited. and WAITED. The line seemed to stagger in length with some stalls having less of a line while mine seemed to grow longer. As a line, we surged forward towards the port-a-johns only to break up and regroup like the frothing surf on a rocky shore. There was no where to go.
The situation was dire. Bladder issued a general alert to the whole body. Legs and Feet carried me to the bathroom while Hands and Elbows clumsily fumbled through the doors. A major crisis was averted through joint co-operation of all. I only became aware after the whole situation had passed.
As I said, Brain has gone too far. This time there will be consequences. The creation of ficticious port-a-johns at an outdoor festival evidences a depraved indifference to the well-being of this body. Port-a-johns are deplorable and heavily-used festival ones are unimaginable.
I sentence you, Brain, to a day of video games or until exhaustion take you. May God have mercy on you. Sentence is to be carried out immediately by Eyes, Ears, and Thumbs. Let's see you break out of THAT dream!
